How Energy Affects Sales

In this episode, sales expert Elyse Archer questions standard industry practices. Her message: internal confidence matters more than external pressure.

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At 2 AM each morning, Archer once sat at her desk chasing one more deal. Though she led her company's sales board, the high-pressure tactics left her depleted. This common pattern - success at the cost of well-being - pointed to a deeper problem in sales culture.

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Through studying successful female mentors, Archer uncovered a different path. Instead of pure push tactics, they balanced structured outcomes with relationship building. The results spoke volumes - Archer's own income multiplied tenfold.

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This approach merges masculine energy (metrics, structure, goals) with feminine energy (connection, flow, intuition). One client example shows its power: a relationship so strong that a customer's wife spent three months crafting a gift for her baby.

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The core concept? "Selling from wholeness" - operating from internal validation rather than external pressure. This mindset eliminates the roller coaster of defining worth through sales numbers.

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Archer's practical advice includes mining social media connections for opportunities. Instead of mass outreach, she recommends starting real conversations that uncover natural sales possibilities.

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When you sell from a place of wholeness, you're not pushing for validation through sales. You see what truly serves the client - and paradoxically, you end up selling more. -- Elyse Archer

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Top 3 Reasons to Listen

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End Sales Burnout: Learn how changing your sales approach leads to steady results without early morning hours or constant pressure.

Draw Clients Naturally: See how building real connections brings sales opportunities through warm introductions instead of cold outreach.

Extend Client Partnerships: Find out how a balanced sales approach turns one-time buyers into long-term partners who refer new business.

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Elyse Archer's Website

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More About Today's Guest, Elyse Archer

CEO, wife, mom and mentor helping driven entrepreneurs and sales pros earn 6-7 figures without burnout or overwhelm.

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Elyse Archer is the founder of the Superhuman Selling and She Sells movements, which empower entrepreneurs and sales professionals to revolutionize how they sell, explode their income and achieve quantum leaps in all areas of life. A Salesforce Top Influencer and a thought leader whose insights have been featured in major media including Forbes and Inc, Elyse is passionate about empowering her clients to sell in a way that leverages their natural gifts, and helps them build wealth along the way. She is an international keynote speaker and host of She Sells Radio, where she shares best practices from female entrepreneurs and sales professionals who have accomplished extraordinary goals.
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Prior to founding She Sells, Elyse served as a Partner in an 8-figure international sales coaching organization, where she helped sales professionals achieve their goals.
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Outside of She Sells Elyse is also a founding team member of Brand Builders Group, a personal branding strategy firm. Her client list includes New York Times bestselling authors, top 100 podcast hosts, and 8 figure entrepreneurs, as well as leaders who are earlier in their journey and committed to scaling their influence, impact and income.

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Key Takeaways

• Sales From Strength - Success flows from internal confidence rather than external validation, leading to natural, pressure-free conversations.

• Energy Balance - Combining structured approaches with genuine connection creates better outcomes than pure push tactics.

• Real Relationships - Moving beyond transactions builds lasting bonds that generate ongoing opportunities without constant outreach.

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A Transcription of The Talk

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Mark Drager:
So Elyse, you are, of course, the host of She Sells Radio—I should get the brand right, right? You're really well-known within the market as a sales leader, a sales coach, and a trainer to help specifically women who want to be able to generate more revenue. Now, these are business leaders, these are professional salespeople, but you've really niched down to help women. And I'm curious whether there is actually a difference between how men and women approach sales.

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Elyse Archer:
Oh, my gosh, yeah. Well, first of all, well done on pronouncing She Sells correctly, because that is very useful, very fun. I didn't think about that when I was naming the brand, but good job there. Yes, there's 100% a difference. And so I think we can talk about it from a number of different angles. And you kind of tell me where you want to go with it, Mark. So I was really inspired to create the brand. And I'll just share maybe a little bit of personal backstory that those listening can maybe relate to. I spent many, many years in corporate sales—top of the leaderboard, doing all the quote-unquote right things. But what I wasn't telling anyone was that inwardly, I was struggling so much with anxiety, burnout, overwhelm, exhaustion. I was getting up at 2 am just to try to outperform and outwork everyone. And then I also found that a lot of the sales techniques that were encouraged in the workspace I was working in just didn't feel right. It could be things like hard close, someone push the sale, force the sale—very transactional versus relational. And I learned to sell that way. But again, it was on the outside. I looked like I was successful, but it was at the expense of my health, my well-being, my mental and physical well-being. And so I kind of went on this journey to start looking for, is there another way to sell? Is there a different way to make money that not only is effective but also feels good and feels aligned? And I started working with incredible female mentors who were making a lot of money and doing really well, and doing it in a way that was so different than what I'd been taught previously. And when I took what they were applying, not only did it feel a lot better, but I actually 10x'd my income, was able to create a lot of big quantum leaps in my sales. So this is what I think is so magical about what we're doing in the She Sells community now. There is a different way. And I think the challenge for a lot of women, whether you're in sales, whether you're a female entrepreneur, is if it feels like friction in the selling process. And even if you're doing all the right things and maybe you're making money, but again, you're exhausted, overwhelmed, feeling depleted, things aren't feeling right to you in how you're selling—you're trying to play out of a playbook that was never made for you in the first place. So there's a lot of differences all the way down to managing our energy cycles and how we align sales activities with our energy cycles to yes, it is okay to be relational when selling, and in fact, I think that's a superpower for women. So you tell me where you want to go with that. There are a lot of differences that I'm happy to dive into any of them.

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Mark Drager:
Well, as you're describing this, Elyse, I'm already feeling for myself, in my past experiences, like I am... I don't come from a professional sales background. I mean, I went to film school, right? And so I have learned as an entrepreneur and as a marketer, how to be able to sell. But my version of selling sounds exactly like what you're talking about. So is this really a question of men versus women? Is this more a question of personality? Is this more a question of approach or masculine versus feminine energy? Or is this more of a universal thing, because some of us just are not comfortable with chasing people down with direct sales, with hammering people time and time again, and following up every single day and bugging people and, you know, there's the sales approach where people say, you know, like, if you haven't offended people by noon, you're not doing a good job. If you're not telling people to, you know, people aren't telling you to f*** yourself, then you're not pushing hard enough. And I'm just not cool with that.

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Elyse Archer:
Absolutely. Amen. Amen. Yeah. When I was, and I want to come back to what you said there because the masculine-feminine energy piece is actually key and critical to what we're talking about. When I was thinking about how would I describe the brand, I thought most people know Grant Cardone. Right. And this is no disrespect to Grant Cardone, but a lot of what you said there, I remember hearing from him early on and that just doesn't feel right to me. And I think he's kind of shifted over the years too, but I was like, our brand would be if Grant Cardone and Abraham Hicks had a love child, it would come together, I think, to create She Sells Radio, to create our community. So, to your point, there's a lot of sales tactics that are just achy, regardless of your gender and regardless of how you're wired. But what I've found is really digging into masculine and feminine energy. And when I first heard—I don't know about you—when I first heard that, I was like, "What is this? This doesn't even make any sense. This sounds really woo and out there and I didn't see a business application for it." But learning about it and going deeper into it, we all have both masculine and feminine energy. And masculine is about the outcome. It is push. It's about giving generosity, its structure. It's linear. It's making 100 cold calls. You'll reach this many people, you'll sell this many. And I think what's happened is in the sales world, we've gone completely, at least, especially in corporate and a lot of older organizations that maybe aren't quite as up to speed, it's completely masculine, which whether you're a man, woman, whatever your gender doesn't matter, that's going to feel out of alignment at some level. So the feminine energy is the other complement of that. And again, we all have feminine too. Feminine is about receiving, it's relational, it's more about the journey rather than the destination. So it's, you know, one of my clients just shared in our group chat today, like she built such a beautiful relationship with one of her clients that his wife had created a baby pouch for her. It's not quite the right word, but she just had a baby. And she had knit this and they sent it from Brazil over to her and his wife spent three months building it and creating it because she had built such a strong relationship. And that's feminine. That's the feminine energy. We can be relational and actually sell more than that. So, to your point, it is actually a more universal conversation. And I think the real magic happens.
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Mark Drager:
I guess if you're able to be self-aware enough to know whether your organization tends to lean more one way or the other, whether you're a leader or you're working in the organization, the greatest benefits you can have is to double down on what comes naturally to you or to learn to grab some of this opposite polarizing energy and bring it into your practice.

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Elyse Archer:
I mean, I think you have to look at what your results are. Right? So they're always they're always good to speak. I think if you are doing all the things and your organization, the people on your team are doing all the things but there's again, health issues, exhaustion, burnout depletion, or you're stuck, and you're stagnant results, that's an indication that you swung really far in masculine. And if you're not getting a lot of results, and there's a—

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Mark Drager:
Lot of times, please don't tell me. Hold on. Are you about to say, if you're not getting a lot of results, if you're not making any progress? If you have a lot of friends but no money? You've gone too feminine? Are you going to say that? We may have got a little—I did not expect. I mean, I thought you were going there. I was like, there's no way she's gonna say this out loud, though, right?

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Elyse Archer:
But one thing I will say, though, that I love about tapping in—and this is where I work with, actually, a lot of men privately who want to tap into more of that feminine—because the feminine is illogical, in a good way. It's about the quantum leap. And I actually was able to—this is something I love teaching my clients, it's part of how I 10x'd my income so fast—I learned to tap into feminine because it's about most organizations will set sales goals that are like, what, two to 5% bigger than what they did last year. Feminine would say, like, what do we really want to do? What's the quantum leap? What's the 10x? What feels exciting and expansive? We don't even know how we're gonna get there. But let's set that as the vision, and then the masculine is like, okay, what's the structure? What's the plan? What's the strategy to help support that? So again, we need both. It's a both-and, and that's really where the magic is.
Mark Drager:
So I know in your teaching and in your content, you talk a lot about energy. And, and it seems like we've gotten there pretty quickly. But you also talk about this idea of being in your power. What does that mean to you, as it relates to a sales process, to being able to sell more? What does that mean to be able to focus on energy and to focus on being in your power?

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So there's this concept I'm playing with, which will be in my book, which I call selling from wholeness. So what I've found, and this was my own experience too, is that I thought money and making a certain amount of sales for so many years, unconsciously looking for validation. And it was like, if I could just be at the top of the leaderboard, then I'll be good enough, then I'll feel worthy. And what happens is when we're coming from that place, it's never enough. It doesn't matter how many sales you make, it doesn't matter what your numbers are, it's never going to be enough. So the real shift I found and this ties into being in your power is when you do the inner work to actually feel good enough, whole, complete without needing any sort of outer validation, which is like the hardest work we'll ever do. But I think it's the deepest, most important work. When we come at sales from that place, we're not trying to push or hard close or force a sale because we think it's going to make us good enough. We think it's going to help us hit the numbers that then will be valid, then we'll be worthy. It's more, "No, I'm good. I'm complete. I'm happy with who I am." And then from that place, I'm able to see what's actually of service to you. So being in your power is more of a, I'd say, a lean back energy when you're in a sales conversation, where it's not like the bracing, "Oh my gosh, I've got to make the sale or else," right? Because then again, we're putting out—we're getting our power in something we can't control. You said, "It's I'm good. I'm complete. I'm whole." And again, there's work we got to do to get there. That's, I think, the journey we all get to take in this life. And from that place, I'm gonna lean back and be able to evaluate, "Can I actually serve you? Do I want to work with you?" Which for anyone listening who's a service provider or a coach or consultant, like, we need to evaluate our clients as much as they're evaluating us. Because we've all had those client relationships, they're learning lessons, but we don't necessarily want to bring on a lot more of those. And then from that place, we can have a really healthy, unbiased look at, "Is this a good fit?" It's also a concept I just did on a joint webinar with one of my friends and clients, former clients, Ian Koniec, where we call it abundant selling versus scarcity selling, right? So being in your power is abundant selling, like, "I'm good. I'm okay, whether or not you buy from me." Scarcity selling is, "I need this or else." So it's that. So it's a huge shift. But it will transform the experience of your sales conversations and, as a byproduct, because you're more relaxed, because you don't need it, you're gonna end up selling more anyway. So it's like the counterintuitive approach to making more money and more sales.

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Mark Drager:
You just reminded me when I was early on in my... when I launched my agency, I launched it at 23 having really no sales experience, and five months in, almost bankrupt, which which makes sense. But the best thing I ever did was I asked for help. And I hired a business coach who came specifically from a sales background, ran sales teams. And there were two things he said that stuck with me, which was the first one is, "Some will, some won't. So what?"—just this idea of some will move ahead, some won't, so what? And the other thing was, he said, "You have to walk into every conversation like you have a million dollars of cash sitting in your pocket right now. And frankly, you just, you don't need this. You want to help people, you'd love to help people, but you don't really need this." And while I remembered both of those things, and I've told myself that, there is a gap between there, there's an emotional gap between having the confidence to be like, "I have a million dollars in my pocket, it doesn't really matter to me if you move ahead. Some will, some won't. So what?" and the sting of like, "How you didn't pick me, I didn't crack the code. We didn't get a chance to make this out. I need to make payroll." And so, are there strategies? Are there tactics? Are there things we can do to close that confidence gap?

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Elyse Archer:
Yeah, absolutely. Where are you putting your validation, right? So we want to always check to, "Am I looking outside of me for validation? Am I saying I'm only good enough or only worthy if someone says yes to me?" Because from that energy, and that's how I used to sell, you're gonna feel like if somebody doesn't say yes, you're not good enough.
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Mark Drager:
I sold that way for a decade. It's not fun. But I mean, it's fun when you get the deal. And you're like, "We are the best." And then the next day, you're like, "We are the worst."

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Elyse Archer:
It's such a roller coaster, right? And that roller coaster comes anytime you're putting your self-esteem in something outside of you, which again, we are taught to do. We are conditioned to do that. Man, it's powerful when you can let that go. To that point, I think it's how are you defining confidence, right? And I do think there is a degree of needing to have trust in something greater than you in this process, to whatever that looks like for you. But what are you putting your confidence in? And if you're putting your confidence in how you show up and what you can control every day, right? Which is, "Is my mindset in alignment with what I'm looking to create? Am I thinking about the end vision created? Am I emotionally attaching to that, and then am I taking the aligned action steps?" Success is inevitable. So I think we have to redefine a good sales call to or a successful sales call from—I think we currently define it, at least even just in our minds, it's like it was only good, it was only successful if someone buys from me. But if you're talking to enough people and selling to enough people, you're going to get people where it's not a good fit. So to me, if we can redefine success as, "I helped them get what they needed, whether that was working with me or not," again, that abundant selling approach, you're going to attract more clients, you're going to attract more opportunities, you're going to make more money, you're going to be able to pay more people on your team. I think it's being able to shift and transition from the short-term immediate, "Oh my gosh, my nervous system is freaking out because I just looked at the bank account, it doesn't look good," to getting reconnected with the bigger picture vision, and then showing up as that version of you who already has your goals completed.
Mark Drager: It totally makes sense to me. I'm just wondering if these are things that make people feel better or if they're actually effective. Or if because it makes people feel better, they are effective.

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It's both. Yeah, it's both. So, part of why it's important, and this is something that I was just talking about with one of my group clients in my coaching program this week, is that your feeling state matters a lot, not just in sales, but in life. And there's neuroscience behind this too, so this isn't some out-there concept. We can only think and create ideas to the level of our emotional state. So, you want to think about the result I'm looking to create, maybe it's a million dollars in my business this year. Okay, why do I want that? What's the core underlying essence of why I want that? Well, money in and of itself is just money. It's not doing a lot for us. But what do I want to do with that? I want freedom, right? So, if I want to create a result of freedom, the energy within creates the outcome of the thing. So, if I'm coming into the sales call and I'm feeling lack, limitation, restriction, I'm only going to be able to think thoughts on that sales call that are equivalent to lack, limitation, restriction, which means I'm probably not going to get a great outcome out of it. I'm probably going to be nervous, worried about what the other person thinks about me. I'm not going to be open to, you know, sometimes we get those downloads like, "This person needs to hear that" or "say that to that person." And we're not going to get as good results. So, when we learn to check in with our emotional state and learn to focus on how can I elevate my emotional state to be in alignment with the end results I'm looking for here with my goal, not only do we become an energetic match for that, but we also access higher levels of thinking. Because if I'm feeling abundant, free, creative, I'm going to have thoughts and ideas in alignment with that that will get me to the actions I need to take to get to my goal. And we've all experienced that. If I'm in fear, if I'm in restriction, if I'm in self-doubt, that's not when we have our most powerful conversations or our most powerful ideas. If we're feeling good, feeling free, feeling abundant, feeling creative, that's when the ideas come that actually create the quantum leap to get you to where you want to go. So...

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Mark Drager: If our listeners are hearing this and either they're going, you know, like, sometimes I get that little tickle up in my back where I'm like, "Are the hair stands up on the back of my neck? Because I kind of feel like you're talking to me, like you're, this is something I need to work on." And so maybe our listener is that leader and they know that this is something they have to work on. Or maybe they have a team of people and they're like, "How do I get my team to start thinking this way more? What is the first step for us to do this for ourselves or even to be able to start teaching these concepts to our team?" Because if we come from that, let's say, masculine, traditional selling approach, or frankly, all the way on the other side, where it's super organic, and you're like, "I'm not scaling, and I'm not making the money I want," which has been me for most of my career, what do we do as our first step?

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Elyse Archer: So, I really do a process that I teach my clients, because at the end of the day, I think lasting success in sales or in anything, it's all about alignment. Are you aligning with the goal that you want to create? Or are you not? And you kind of know, you are because either you feel connected to it, you feel like it's happening, but it hasn't happened yet? Or are you feeling distance and separation and fear and anxiety around it? So, I would write a very vivid, detailed description of what is it that you're looking to create? So, you're listening to this now? What do you want to create, and you can do it by the end of the year, you can do it for the current year, you're in whenever you're listening to this, what's your goal, maybe you want to do it shorter term, next 30 days, and then the only reason it hasn't happened yet is you haven't aligned with it yet, you're not an aligned match for it yet. Alignment is when our thoughts, our feelings, and our actions match up with the result we're looking to create. So, then I would look at that goal. And I would say, for someone who has that result, all right, what are the thoughts they're thinking? What are the feelings they're feeling? And then what are the actions that they're taking every day? And it sounds simple, Mark, but it's, it gets to be such a reality check. And you'll see, hey, here's where I'm not showing up in alignment with that. And okay, that's, that's what we need to do. So then, how do I start to step into showing up like that person? And I personally, I write it out. I write a self-image statement. I listen to it multiple times throughout the day. And it's like, here's who I'm being, here's how I'm showing up. Here are the thoughts I'm thinking, here are the actions I'm taking. And over time, we've conditioned your subconscious mind to actually believe that that is who you are. And from that place, you'll take actions and show up as that person. The end result is inevitable. But that's what I would do. I would do a self-check and just kind of see, okay, where am I doing well? Where are the gaps? No judgment on that. But then, if you want a different result, you've got to start showing up like a different person. So you've got to start showing up like that person now. But we need awareness of who they are.

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Mark Drager: That is so good. You know, often before I jump on a call, I'll remind myself like, "I'm here to help. And I'm here to have fun. And as long as I can have some fun with the person I'm across from and I can try to figure out how to help them, I'm good." But I've recently started reminding myself to your point, like, I need to push them into the next step and let them know there's another step and that they're eventually going to pay me for something. Like this isn't just about having fun and helping, this is actually going to lead to the next step. And there's a sales process and you can buy something, and you can work with us. So I find your advice super, super helpful.

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Elyse Archer: Yeah, yeah. And that's again, it's like that's part of the action piece, right? So there's gonna be a level in which you got to skill up if you want to get to another level. So how do I scale up my sales? I listened to Mark's podcast, right? I do that so it's, so it's the being and the action and that's really the alignment between the feminine and the masculine that creates magic.

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Mark Drager: Amazing. And so, Elyse, final question for you. It's the question I end every podcast episode with: What is your number one strategy or tip for how to sell more?

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Elyse Archer: Okay, I'm going to do a really short and sweet that's completely different than what we talked about because it's super tactical. So this is my favorite thing. There is gold sitting in your LinkedIn inbox, your Instagram inbox, wherever your social media is. Very, very simply, when you get either a new connection request on LinkedIn or a new follower on social, send a message, actually talk and find out why did they connect with you. I do this every day to people who reach out and follow and connect, and some people are looking to sell you something. And that's fine. But it's incredible how quickly you'll uncover opportunities from people who are like, "Oh, you know, I was actually referred to you by so and so. I'm looking to do this in my business, or I'm looking to create this result. I thought you could give me some good ideas." From that place, it opens up a dialogue. And I know people who build multi-million dollar businesses literally just selling and chatting throughout the day, talking this way and engaging. So look at what are some of the resources I have right now to help me grow my sales, and I tell you, whoever's following you, whoever's connecting with you, start a conversation. It can be really simple, really organic, and you'll find that there's just buried treasure and gold in there if you're not doing that already. So a simple daily practice, and it will create a huge result and impact on your bottom line.